During my two weeks off earlier this month…
I had a lot of time to think about the patterns in my life.
“I’ve never had to force the good things that have happened to me.”
This thought keeps running through my mind.
I’ve had doors shut in my face and worked in settings where I felt disconnected to the people and couldn’t take it. I’ve had people reach out to me, wanting to collaborate and work with me on projects, but for whatever reason their intentions never felt right.
I’ve met guys who claimed to like me, but didn’t put in much effort and left me confused, disappointed and like my time and energy were wasted. I’ve dated guys who were “nice” to me and tried to guilt trip me into being with them, well simply, because they were good guys and I would be dumb to miss out. Even if I could check off all the boxes that society lays out when it comes to something, I learned that if it doesn’t feel like home to me, then none of the above matters.
If I do go forth with it anyway then I’m not being real to myself. Home is anywhere you feel free to be who you are. I find home with family and friends. But I’ve also had moments when I found home in unfamiliar places. Like when I first step foot on Howard University’s campus and felt an immediate connection to its energy. Similarly, when I visited Jamaica for family vacations, the culture and people hugged my soul.
Once again, while in Johannesburg two weeks ago, my best friend and I were partying with the locals and we blended right in. At times I couldn’t tell if I was back in Brooklyn at a day party or at Howard Homecoming. I just realize Africa is my home, but even when I’m not there, it’s everywhere African people and culture thrives. This was definitely a full circle moment.
I try to bottle that freeing feeling up and take it with me and use it as a gauge to decide whether I want to add certain people and changes to my life. If they don’t bring that vibe, they gotta go. The quality people I know aren’t perfect but I love them anyway because they have always stood by me. The great opportunities I’ve had, don’t come without kinks and hard work, but they continue to surprise me with experiences I could never imagine.
At 26, I have some more time to explore this beautiful world and build the life I want. But even when I settle down in a city, with a man, with a certain job, I shouldn’t have to sacrifice my happiness and my ultimate desire to grow just to have these things. Ultimately, having just to have and just to prove yourself to others, isn’t serving your greater good. To be continued…
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